Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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