and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
