My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
