Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
