someone get that fucking seahorse.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
