Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
