on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
