I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
