maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
