wanna go halves on a baby?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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