i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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