We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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