you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
