Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
