Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
