Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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