omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
oh god was she eating orange peels again
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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