he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
