i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
