Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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