somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
