So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
he was CRYING into my vagina
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
