I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
