I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
