we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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