What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
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