I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
