today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
