if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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