i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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