idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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