at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
