Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
