Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
