i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
