On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
