he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
