She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
