Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
