Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I know her cup size but not her name....
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