She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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