Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
