Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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