the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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