am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
