I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
