And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
