my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
