Can i not drive my cunt home
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize