About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
