just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
