Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
