his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
