We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
