When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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