At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
