she looked like the before picture.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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