even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Operation Purity has been aborted
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
