I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
