i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I think a kid would responsible me up
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
