nut hugger
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
