Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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