she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
