I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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