So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
