remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
