Your tits are I can't wait for
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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