my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize