I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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