I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
