Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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